The Awkward Girl: Is This Why I’m so Lonely?

The awkward lonely girl that lives inside of me. 

I have always been a social butterfly by nature it’s something that I enjoy but personally I’ve always been a loaner. I enjoy my personal space and being alone (I truly do), but sometimes I wish I had the perfect person to invade my space and understand all of my corky interests. Do you FEEL me?

Say Hello to Doris

I don’t want to sound like a hysterical case of a mad black woman and I am lucky to have a ton of friends who genuinely care for me, but I long for a friendship on a deeper level of understanding etc.

I can be a very difficult person at times (but who isn’t)! I DO NOT like to share my friends, I am hyper competitive, I have strong opinions and enjoy arguing, I will tell you “the real” so please give it back to me (nobody likes a kiss ass), I enjoy the sweet silence of just being together (sometimes talking is overrated) and the list literally goes on…but this is ME!!! and these are just a few of my awkward friend habits that come out into my personal life and personality when trying to let new people in.

How did this all start?

I guess you can say that I have always been pretty awkward maybe because I was an equal part jock as I was a nerd, but with titles like President of the Computer Club, Chess Club, Science Club, Bible Studies and Captain of the Cheerleading squad & Softball team, and lets not forget the class historian… I was given a “cool card” and upgraded to Miss Popular but I could still get down with my techy friends and the band geeks. Sometimes it was hard to juggle what Doris I wanted to put on display. Since each group wanted me to prove I belonged, my love for all things turned into a mixed emotions of “But…what’s wrong with you?” “Why do you like this (or that)?” “You’re so weird!”. What I am trying to say is that, god forbid there is an individual who is an avid athlete who is educated, nerdy, articulate, and cultured. I enjoy being strong and active but I also love speaking computer jargon AND being socially active. Say What!

Taking a different angle, maybe my awkwardness sprouted from personal experiences in my life. It is hard to find a friend who is interested in all of the same things you are, but why can’t we have it all? My final conclusion is that maybe I am just a genuinely awkward person. I take a ton of pride in the fact that I am different, however sometimes I feel like my different stream of thinking makes it hard for me to build lasting and great friendships.

I have always longed to have that one best friend that I couldn’t live without, that wasn’t just my friend but my “family” and just made my world a brighter place. Someone that actually understands me with no judgment and just “gets” me. I know these types of friendships exist but I always wonder if its too late for me to jump on board.

Don’t get me wrong I have a ton of friends and people always describe me as a pretty funny and charismatic person. We all know that adult friends, college friends, and all your people from back home are all different breeds; who know you on a whole different level. My day ones from back home know the “real Doris” but sometimes distance can be a hell of a party crasher. Even though I wish my friends here understood the “Doris from the block” I think my character and persona are a bit intense for the normal person to comprehend or understand. Thus, the feeling of superficial friendships to get me by on my continual search for Mr. or Misses Bestfriend. Where you at though (insert new best friends name)?

In the words of my beloved Robert Frost “not everything that shimmers is gold”.

Should I keep the faith?

I would love to know your ideas? Is it to late to find my Ride or Die or should I take a step back and breathe? Are there more people like me in this world who just want a friendship thats not like the rest? Maybe! Happy searching can’t wait to hear your experiences.

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6 comments

  1. HEYYYYY BOO!!!! BUT on a serious note I felt every word you said about the best friend thing… I always had individual friends but never a crew(a group of friends who are mutually friends) or a single best friend… All of my “best” friends have seem to be seasonal(growing closer or apart due to life) ?… I never liked to platonicthe term “best friend” since elementary school because I have never been good at sharing my favorite. I have come to accept the fact that I may never have that platonic best friend that I have longed for as a child… However I never use the term “friend” loosely…

  2. I absolutely loved reading your post! Know that you are not alone. I am a very awkward person lol. But that’s what makes me me! Some people love it others don’t. I have learned that not everyone will like me, but I love me for who I am and so do others! Keep being you girlie!

    Voiveofvera.com

    1. Vera I am overjoyed that you enjoyed this post. I love this prospective you have on life and think we are pretty similar; as people will either get us or not AND if its meant to be it will be and if not keep it moving. Thanks for visiting and hope to see you around the site more.

      xo

  3. This is such a real post, thanks girl! I totally know what you mean – all of us have that awkward person inside that we’re afraid of letting out. Embrace your awkwardness, embrace your unique qualities, and know that the labels of “nerd”, “jock”, etc., are just labels – there is no truer expression of the human experience than yourself!

    Joanne | https://fung-shui.com/

    1. Joanne…YASSSS I am here for all of those comments. I completely agree there is such beauty in our unique qualities and character. Thank you for this beautiful message.

      xo

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